The SK Special

In this review I will be detailing the experience, that was The SK Special.

First off, I must no longer discuss the [REDACTED] pancakes from Spoody's Kitchen, after the [REDACTED] men (one of which looked strikingly similar to Will Smith) paid me a visit. Unfortunately, they declined my offer to have a sleepover.

The SK Special caught my eye, with a flashy £20,000.50 price.  Last Night Very recently, I have come into a decent sum of money so I thought "why not?"
Methodically typing out my second order from Spoody's, I wondered if my new friends would visit again tonight. Maybe they'll bring their talking pug?  
This special was different, there was an ingredients list. Skimming over, I see 'nutella', 'pizza, and 'ice cream'; sounds good enough for me! I don't finish the list, just a normal sweet pizza right?

Once again, the food is delivered with astonishing speed and accuracy. Within a single blink, a pizza box has materialised on my desk. The signature red crayon sprawled across the top was drawn as if my Gran had written it during her 3rd stroke this month.
I reach out to pull the box across the table; it leaves an oddly green coloured liquid trailing from one of the corners. I have many questions. But I continue, what does this mystery pizza look like? I should have finished the ingredients list.

Slowly opening the lid, the few seconds feeling like the wait for Half Life 3 and I reveal the furry monstrosity. Looking back at the ingredients, I see "cat hair", "shrimp", a "picture of the Grinch".....

They never said how much cat hair. The entire pizza looks like the end result of an angry cat at a barbers. Chilli flakes intersperse with the scattered various fish chunks, complementing what parts could be seen of the Grinch image.  How does this have 5 stars? Maybe fake reviews? Guess I'll have to find out.

Apprehensively lifting the first slice up, I close my eyes to take a bite.  From the first taste, I entered another plain of existence, unlike the [REDACTED] pancakes, this pizza held no secrets, just probably a lot of LSD.  As I travelled through the multiverse, slice by slice, at the speed of a Karen voyaging to demand the manager, a sentence started to appear around the shifting colours and environments, spelling....   Je... Jeff.....


Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself.


I arose groggily, noticing a distinctly sweet fishy smell hanging around the empty box, like a cloud made from my entire life's regret's that plague me at night.
I expect a visit from my new friend's again, maybe they'll join me for a game of DnD.  

Rating: